Transpersonal Dynamics

Ok, another question: why do you want to be wealthy? Take a few moments and write down what you will do with your wealth – done it?

Look at the list – how much of it focuses on your wants? Perhaps a car(s), big house(s), new clothes, holiday etc. Understand this; there is nothing wrong with wanting to spend some of your wealth on yourself, your family and friends; and there’s nothing wrong with investing part of it either.

Now look at how much of it have you identified as spending on good causes? If you have kept it all to yourself, then that may well be being greedy! One of the weird things about money is that when you give, you get more back in return. Think of it this way: a closed fist lets nothing out, but can’t receive anything, either.

Why do you want to be wealthy? Do you believe that if you have all of the possessions you desire, you’ll be happy? If you do, why? Nobody believes that the designers and engineers that created those things you so desperately want built a ‘happiness component’ into their creations!

True happiness comes from within; if you think money is the solution to your problems, you’re in for an unpleasant surprise; money is nothing more than an effect, a consequence of your actions. Another way of looking at it is that money is just a way of keeping score.

Question time again: how can you use some of your money to make a difference in the world? What causes could you contribute to? Which inspirational people could you support? It is a great feeling to give, no matter how small an amount; I do believe that it makes sense to sort out your immediate debts first. I’ve never got my brain around the philosophy that you should give even when the bailiffs are threatening to turn up; maybe that’s my lack of spiritual development but I do think that the Universe wants us to use our common sense.

However, looking back, I can point to when I made a step forward in my thinking; by and large, I used to spend what I earned. I had a house with a mortgage, nice car etc. but then getting divorced pretty much wiped me out financially.

I went through a period after the divorce where if I earned it, I spent it; I guess it was probably comfort spending, though I’d never been really big on saving. I can pinpoint when that attitude changed, when I got serious about my financial management and about giving. And with the change in attitude came support from the Universe. – my best 3 month period  of earnings ever! I went from surviving only because my wife had savings to that best 3 month period and I’m certain it’s because my attitude to money changed! And not just a great financial period – ideas and opportunities for making more money and new contacts all emerged too.

If we want to attract wealth, we need to sort out our attitude to money; so what’s your attitude to money? Why do you want to be wealthy? What do you want to do with the money when you earn it?

Keeping all of your wealth for yourself is greedy; what is great though is to earn money and then give some of it to worthwhile causes. Ask yourself, which causes would you like to support? It doesn’t have to be a conventional charity – who have you found to be inspirational? The weird thing is, as we give, we get more back.

Sometimes people feel that they are forced to take a job in order to meet their financial commitments; whilst this may be true as an extremely short term measure, if it lasts any longer than is absolutely necessary, then stress and illness will be the long term consequnce. Be open to new opportunities, and you will soon find opportunities that are morein line with your true purpose.

So, how do you find your true path, your life’s mission?

Ask yourself 3 questions:

1. What do you really enjoy doing?

2. What are you really good at?

3. If money were not an issue, what would you be doing?

Spend some time thinking about the answers to each of the questions; if you want a little more direction, ask each of them within the context of how can I best serve others?

Good luck!

One of the great gifts that we have been given by the Universe is that, if we don’t like any aspect of our thoughts, beliefs or behaviours, we can always change! No matter how young or old you are, you can always change.

Never buy in to the concept that you are too old to change; whilst change may take a little longer as we get older, because we are more set in our ways, if we want to change we can. recent research into the concept of neuroplasticity confirms that we are never too old to change.

One of the keys is to make sure that the pay-off, or benefit of the change outweighs your resistance to it.

As an example of how to change, take a look at Abraham Lincoln. He decided one day that he wanted to make some changes to his personality – so he sat down and drew up a list of the 15 character traits that he most admired in other people. He then rated himself against each of these traits and set aside a week for developing each trait in himself. He transformed himself and became the person he wanted to be.

How about you – are you the person you want to be? If not, only you can make the necessary changes… what are you waiting for?

Meditation!

If you’ve got ideas of sitting cross legged, chanting ‘om madhe padme om’ to the sound of Tibetan bells, that’s not what I mean (though there’s nothing wrong with doing that if that’s what rocks your boat!)

There doesn’t have to be any religious or spiritual reason to meditate. The thing is, meditation is the best way to learn will power, focus and mental discipline. Start with 5 minutes a day, once or twice a day and build it up from there. I will soon be releasing a free e-book full of techniques but for now, try the following:

Sit or lie relaxed, with your spine straight. Close your eyes and focus on the area just below your navel as you breathe in and out. Just focus on your breathing and the area below your navel. If any thoughts enter your head, just smile and let them go. No need to beat yourself up over the intruders… just acknowledge them, smile and let them go.

Once you can do that for 10 minutes, then change the routine slightly – spend 5 minutes focusing on the navel area and then 5 focusing on your heart. If you build this up gradually, without straining it, by the time you are doing this for 20 minutes per session, twice a day: a. you will have developed a lot more will power, focus and mental discipline and b. the e-book I mentioned earlier will be available with lots of different things you can try!

And for an extra benefit, try smiling as you meditate!

This blog has been inspired by Mehmet’s post today about ORS.

I’m not certain that the distinction between ‘connections’ and ‘being connected’ is fully appreciated. To me, connections is numbers, the number of people in your network. Many people brag about the size of their networks in LinkedIn or ecademy, for example, but connections are only the start.

It’s the number of people with whom you are connected that really determines the usefulness of your network. And being being connected requires commitment and being proactive – it’s about communicating and building relationships.

Connectedness  is, at one level, similar to some of the principles of Zen: being non-judgemental, being of service to others, keeping one’s own negative thoughts under control, rejecting any need to be ‘right’, recognising and valuing diversity of opinion and culture, being truthful, transparency and building trust.

I am really looking forward to seeing how these philosophies are applied in practical ways as people’s approach to networking and their thinking evolves.

Lots of employers and writers talk about work-life balance, but what does it mean? The work bit may be self-expalanatory but life? How do I know if I’ve got that right?

Ask yourself a question: what are the things you treasure most in your life? Take a little time to think and write the down. As a checklist, make sure you cover each of the following ten areas:

1. spiritual,
2. mental,
3. emotional,
4. physical,
5. personal growth,
6. work,
7. financial,
8. family,
9. relationships,
10. hobbies/relaxation.

True work-life balance means that you meet all of your needs in each of those areas. How did you score? Don’t think you have to get it allw ritten down at once; it took me several days to think through all of the areas.

Let me know how you get on – good luck!

Many people go through life making demands, stating their point of view, expecting others to agree with them… then wonder why they find it tough holding on to relationships, why they get overlooked for promotion and why they find it hard keeping clients. If this applies to you, then spend a week asking questions, as your initial tactic when communicating with others and see what a difference it makes!

In writing this post, I’m making 3 key assumptions about the reason for asking questions:

• Questions should be genuine, ie where the answer is unknown or needs bringing out into the open
• The motivation for asking questions is a genuine desire to know
• The intention of questions is positive ie not to show how clever one is, nor to dominate or intimidate or to prove the questioner right.

Typically, when things go wrong, managers, leaders, parents, lovers, all ask questions that place them in the role of ‘critic’, questions that focus on the problem such as:

• Whose fault is it?
• What’s wrong with me?
• What’s wrong with them?
• Why does it always happen to me?
• Why can’t I ever win?
• Why are people always so stupid?
• What’s the point?
• How can I prove I’m right?
• How am I going to mess this up?

If they really want to learn from the situation, and focus on solutions rather than problems, they might like to think about ‘discovery’ questions such as:

Inward focus
• What do I need to ask in order to understand?
• What do I want from this situation?
• What are my choices?
• What am I responsible for?
• What assumptions am I making?
• How else can I think about this?
• What am I missing or avoiding?
• What can I learn from this?

Outward focus
• What is the other person thinking, feeling, needing and wanting?
• Am I genuinely listening?
• What are their options?
• What assumptions are they making?
• What are they responsible for?
• How can I allow them to contribute?
• How can I contribute to them?
• What action step(s) make most sense?
• How can I ensure a win:win?
• What is possible?
• What would happen if we were to ……. ?

If you want to empower other people, if you want to create understanding rather than fear, I try experimenting with ‘discovery’ questions. Ask yourself the ABCD –

• Am I in Critic Mode?
• Breathe – take a step back, pause, take a deep breath and reflect
• Choices – what choices are available to me/us?
• Do I have all of the facts? What’s going on here?

Imagine a plane in the clear blue sky; behind it is a long vapour trail, that shows the history of the plane’s journey. Ahead of it, in the distance, is the destination airport.

Who is flying the plane? Can the vapour trail pilot it? Of course not, yet how many people allow their past, their histories, to control their lives? Are you consciously communicating with your unconscious mind, filtering what is relevant from its memories? Do you understand the conditioned responses that so often dominate you? They are based on memories, that may no longer be appropriate.

Can the destination airport pilot the ‘plane? Again, of course not. It will influence where we are heading but we can change our minds, fly somewhere else. Yet how many people allow their lives to be controlled by the perceived future? And in fact, this is often again the realm of memories – we have something coming up in the future, our unconscious mind sifts through for relevant memories and projects them onto how the future is ’sure’ to be played out.

When you find yourself responding with a conditioned response, and realise that it is not the best response you could have had, take time to investigate your memories and to see which one(s) was flying the plane at that moment.

I am currently reading some of Paul Ferrini’s books and came across this quote, that needs no further comment:

“To make wrong is to teach guilt and perpetuaute the belief that punishment is necessary. To make right is to teach love and demonstrate forgiveness. To put it simply, you are never right to make wrong, or wrong to make right.

You cannot love in an unloving way. You can’t be right and attack what’s wrong.”

The Way of Peace 1999

People join on-line social networks, send messages, join groups within those networks; in their personal lives, they send e-mails full of things that they might never say to the person’s face. They leave voicemail messages at hours when they know that they are extremely unlikely to have to deal with a conversation with a real person. Many companies make you go through a voicemail menu maze before you can get to speak with a real customer service representative.

Remember, most people like to be communicated to with warmth, care, courtesy and directness, rather than impersonally via technology; Remember, genuine communication comes from the heart.